Helping Youth Make Friends

While some kids are natural socializers and make friends easily, others seem to lack the social skills they need to make and maintain friends. Often we label these kids as shy and then cajole or push them into situations thinking more practice will solve the problem. Or we give up entirely and let them remain on the outside.  

Instead of hoping kids will figure it out on their own or giving in to their social fears, we can work practically on “friend skills” through role play. One important skill is how to ask questions to start conversations. People love talking about themselves and asking a question about what someone is doing or thinking is a great entrée into a friendship.

Another important skill is sharing about ourselves without bragging or being a know-it-all. Too often, someone’s sharing is used to dominate a conversation and not to build a connection.  Finally, it’s important to know how to extend--and decline!-- invitations. It’s OK to not want to play or hang out with someone but you can decline in a way that is respectful and doesn’t ruin the friendship.

For more information on helping youth build friendship skills, see this article from Sunshine Parenting.